First email was:
The rest unfolded:
Below are my info's needed at western union:
NAME: xxxx yyyy redacted to protect the innocent
ADDRESS: Vintera Blvd, 30, Zaporizhzhya, Zaporizka, Ukraine
AMOUNT : £2,600 Pounds
Let me know when you have it done and keep me posted with the transfer details including the 10 digits MTCN# confirmation number code.
I'm so glad you got in touch. Are you sure £2600 is enough. Remember the time when I was in trouble with rent and you lent me £3200. I still haven't paid that back. Should I just transfer the £3200? Then we're even and you'll be able to buy your way out of the Ukraine.
I didn't realise you were over there. You should keep me more informed, dude. What are you doing in Ukraine? Is it a gig? or just a vacation?
Let me know urgently, I've got my cheque book and I'm on my way out of the door, once I know what you need.
I was worried for you, so I rang your mum. She's sending your brother out to meet you. He's booked a flight that gets in tonight at 8pm and he'll get a taxi straight over to your place. He seems pretty angry that someone's attacked you, and you know how violent he can get. I recommend you buy him some drinks to calm him down, you don't want him killing anyone do you?
Just confirm all's ok, and I'm out the door to send your money.
I should point out, I'm not the sort to call people "dude", it just made me feel more authentic in this pranking the tosser scenario.
That was a bit too brief, so I thought I'd amp up the pressure.
I've got even better news. Your sister is joining your brother. They're going to bring the cash with them. What currency do you want it in? They can bring it in pounds, but perhaps travellers cheques would be better? Would dollars work? Which currency is best for you?
I think your sister will help keep your brother under control a bit, but he seems pretty amped up. Could you drop him an email to tell him you're ok. He's talking about going out and looking for the guys that got you. I think he might be coming with a few "tools" to smash some faces in.
I reckon if you buy him a couple of beers and show him you're ok, he'll calm down.
I'm just going out now to write a cheque to your sister so she can get the money. I'll take my iPhone with me. Message me soon about the currency.
I know this is a bad time, dude, but at least your bad luck is bringing your family together. I reckon it's going to be a great night tonight.
They asked me about the address you gave. Will you be there at 9pm tonight?
No reply thus far. Someone with more time on their hands would probably push it harder. I can't be bothered.